For years, I have been searching within my pain and drawing inspiration from that source of darkness. All that I would write was through tears that sprung from feelings of heartbreak, longing and hopeless desire, and from that I formed a cycle. Waking up, I would await the moment that I picked up a pen and let the ink flow from my heart to the page. I would write of what ruined me every day of my life and expect for something to change. It haunted me for what felt like an eternity and you could say I was addicted to that circle. Awake. Feel negatively. Write. Sleep. Repeat. It was extremely toxic and I felt trapped in it.
SADNESS, I welcome you with open arms. I was wondering when you’d come back to me. Because you make me feel like more of myself. Like I am whole. I love you.– Inside the Mind of Tragedy, Gianna Valdez
Writing from pain was all I’ve ever known and I truly believed that it was all I had left. The darkness, I thought, was who I was. I did not believe in light. Or rather, I did not know that I still had any left.
After all the trauma and pain of life, I chose to only view one side of my story. By doing this, I kept hidden a completely other part of myself, the deepest part of myself. I was overlooking the light for so long because the darkness seemed more appealing. I have never written something positive before. I had never used positive emotions to create beautiful, touching words. Ultimately, I was worried, anxious and scared. I did not know how the pen would react to words coming from blazing light rather than my usual black hole of emotion. However, my soul soon realized that the light was as valuable as the darkness, if not even more valuable. It was proof that you can go through hell and still have a piece of heaven. It was proof that you can be darkness itself and still find one speck of light, of hope, in the vastness of hurt.
I am finally learning what it means to be an angel, To find the purest part of yourself, the untouched beauty of your creation, the piece of you that had still been working through all the madness you had been placed in, the still pond in the moments before one touch forms ripples, the peace– The Love of an Angel, Gianna Valdez
Writing from my light strengthened me into the version of myself that I am today. I have so much more appreciation for all emotions and all opposites, such as dark and light, because there are lessons to be learned from everything. What I learned is that nothing can tear you down completely. You may think everything is over, that you are consumed by pain, but we all have a core of light, if we look deep enough.